‍The interview, life stages and my reaction to one man's ignorance.

“So, tell me, what life stage are you at?”

A few months ago, a friend of mine went for a job interview.This friend is 32, single and female. She is currently on a career break and looking for THE job. THE job being the “grown up job” which propels you to big-shot status and hopefully gives a significant pay rise in the process. However, during the interview, she was asked to clarify her current personal situation. “What life stage are you at?” For 30-something year old women, we understand this as a poorly disguised attempt to understand, “are you going to start pushing out babies soon or do you already have children?”

This sparked outrage in the girls' WhatsApp group. Flurries of 3-minute voice notes were thrown back and forth. Rants about men, screwing the patriarchy, and commiserations that she had to endure this interaction with a person of such low emotional intelligence. We ripped this man to shreds, we take no prisoners in the WhatsApp group. 

Still, this encounter did fill us with a sense of dread. From this point on, will any career move be thwarted by employers terrified they will soon have to provide parental leave? Will all interviews in the coming years be an exchange of awkward small talk and questions, whilst the interviewer tries to discover our personal circumstances? Will interviews just be completely fruitless going forward?

The thought of it is overwhelming, enough to deter women who are in the “life stage” this man was referring to.

I discussed this with my Mum, expecting sympathy from a fellow woman. Not only was she not surprised by the encounter, but she was also surprisingly sympathetic with the man. “I was a business owner, I understand.Not everyone can afford maternity leave.”

She was driving, so did not see my eyes disappear into the back of my head. Chatting away, she went on to say that she had told her friend who wanted children to take a nice admin job at the local university. Maternity leave and flexi-time aplenty! Said friend did just that! She had a wonderful life both working and raising children, living the so-called dream.

This made me despair, possibly more than the man in my friend's interview. I am not sure if I was angry at Mum for not taking my side or just sad. Sad, that this type of scrutiny was obviously accepted by my parents' generation but also sad because its just a given, that a man would never have to justify his personal situation in the same way because they will never have to (or get the chance to), halt their career for the sake of childrearing.

A man of the same age and the same situation would never have to answer such a personal question in a professional setting. I just wonder why? It is not like all men want to go to the office instead of taking time to raise their children. Do men mind if they must leave work early for the school run or is it office culture that labels this as strange? I know from experience with female friends and colleagues, that theirs is the first number that nursery calls, even if they are not listed as the primary contact.

So, I just wonder, why are we like this? What will it take for us to change?